Above: Gray Still Life, 1990, oil on canvas, 30" x 24" (76.2 x 60.96cm)

During a search through my phone's photo app, I came across this shot of Gray Still Life from 1990. That's 35 years ago. That means that if I had become a parent at 25, I'd have a 35 year old son or daughter and maybe a grandkid or two now. Maybe.

Thinking about what could have happened had I made different choices and the passage of time blows my mind. One of the choices I did make when I was younger and was sure I wanted to pursue art as my life's mission, was to not have children. I simply didn't want any and felt that there were enough children and people in the world already. I didn't need to add to the population. I've never regretted that choice, but it is interesting to think about how different things could have been.

Gray Still Life was made during the final part of a five year stretch where I'd dropped out of college starting in '86 to work and deal with financial issues. It's a familiar story that I mention all of the time during my artist talks: I went to school in '84, tried majoring in subjects that could lead to money-making careers but failed miserably at that. Dropped out, went to work and also continued making art. 

As can be seen from this painting, I was still very much immersed in representational work: still life and landscape being my preferred subjects at the time. 

When I saw the photo of this painting and saw the date, I was momentarily shocked thinking about the time that had passed. It's not as if I could imagine myself painting this just yesterday, but I definitely remembered the time this painting represents for me in my life. Art is a journal of one's life and individual and collected pieces can be like time capsules sparking memories the same way as smells and certain sounds can. 

When I painted this, I was living in my first apartment on South Street between 15th and Broad Steets in Philly. As most "starter" apartments are, mine was pretty lackluster and needed work but had space for me to paint and was inexpensive at the time. The stars had aligned. It was also great because South Street west of Broad, where I was, had not been gentrified, yet. In fact, most of South Street at that time hadn't been gentrified the way it is now. 

35 years, wow. 

I'm feeling like I may be near another art purge this year. I'll probably keep this one and a couple of others from that time, but there are others that I'll either destroy or maybe give away. Not sure about either option yet, but maybe I'll make that a task for later in the summer. 

TM